I have been feeling like such a different person lately. I don't know if it is something that people go through at different times in their lives or if it is a change we make happen in ourselves. I was always a person who put on a tough facade. I could not let anyone see even a little bit of vulnerability. I also think that this made me surround myself with negative thoughts, and even negative people.
Life is so precious and short. If you think about the size and age of the universe we are not even a blip on the history of the universe. It makes you think about life differently. I want to experience happiness while I am here. I have grown a strong sense of self that I have never had. I think that service is so important. To serve others is such a humbling and gratifying experience. I believe people become so self involved and they become workaholics and they have blinders on. I have been there. I now see that there is so much more to life. We really can change the energy around us. I have allot of challenges in my life right now, but I am sure that I will overcome all and feel secure again.
I watch the news all the time, and what I see lately is appalling. If the people in this world would put some effort into being more positive, I believe it would spread. Like smiling at a stranger in public. They smile back and tend to smile at others. The power we have to make positive change is tremendous. We are so powerful and sometimes it backfires. That powerful energy is put toward hate. So many negative words are put out there, either to embarrass, hurt, or anger others. We live in a time now that it is more important than ever to love, respect and empathize with others.
I see that children today have a different outlook on life. They are very self centered and believe they are entitled to everything. There is a lack of respect for others that is appalling. And the people who do care, don't seem to be able to spread that to their friends. I know what it is like to be young and to just go with the group, even though you know it is not right. I have had friends that are dark and depressing and think that the world revolves around them and their problems. We all sometimes feed that energy, not consciously, we just don't want to speak our minds and risk ridicule or just don't want the drama in our own lives.
I hope that everyone can find the strength to share what they feel and show it is o.k. to speak your mind. When you see others being hurt, teased, bullied, or depressed, take action in some way. You can make a difference. I have noticed since I have opened up that there are allot of people who care. And I believe that played a huge role in the change within me. Don't be afraid. Be strong.
All that said, I should say I am far from perfect, I can let my anger get the best of me. I let negative thoughts creep into my mind and into my heart. I can say that I am getting better at turning it around.
I have an amazing husband who at first thought I was sharing to much, that I should not air our "dirty laundry", so to speak. But he has come to see the positive change. How it affects me to be open. I don't have allot of girlfriends, in fact I have one friend and she has been my best friend for years. I would do anything for her and she would do anything for me. She lives far away from me now, so it is difficult for both of us. My husband is my number one friend and will always be. He understands that allot of the hurt I have been experiencing he is not able to help with, so he knows that writing this blog is good for me. I am beyond lucky that John is in my life. Because I know that he loves me unconditionally. That is usually something you only get from your parents or children. And because I never had that in my life at all until he came along, he is the most important dearest person in my heart right along side my children. One day my children will find the loves of their lives or not, but they will find their happiness as adults, if they are fortunate, and move on from their parents. When that happens I will still have John. And maybe one day I will have grandchildren to fill my heart even more. My husband and children saved my life. And I will share more about that life soon. I will be eternally grateful. No matter what John does for the rest of our lives I will love him throughout eternity. I have hope that we can get through the difficult times we are having. Who knows what the future holds. I know that I have the strength within myself to be happy no matter what. I just need to remember it when it is needed. I know that everyone has it. They just need to learn to use it more often then not.
Till the next time. Have a great day!
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